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Post by marina augustus on Jun 29, 2009 19:00:03 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere [/color] THIS IS MY REACTION TO EVERYTHING I FEAR[/color] cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here [/center] Walking up the steps to the pantheon, Marina only stopped for a moment to nod her head politely with a smile on her face to any high official she recognized. It was difficult trying to remain focused on her own activities when she had to stop to please the public even with something as simple as an acknowledgement. The girl naturally had trouble thinking about only herself, mind constantly drifting to her care of the roman people. It was only natural that she loved Rome. The art, the music, the beauty. Though the games showed an ugly side of how Rome found its entertainment, it was one blemish that she always attempted to overlook. In a way she also wished she was more oblivious to everything like the rest of the nation. Some people were aware of the corruption, as rumors often went around, but to know it was true was a burden. She had a choice to make whether to speak out about it or keep her mouth shut, and truthfully she didn’t know what to do. Part of her hoped her brother would come around and see the fault of his ways, she had even prayed the gods to give him guidance, but… he wasn’t changing. He probably would never change.
As she got to the entrance she nodded again to a member of the senate and finally walked into the building with another man by her side. Outside the palace she often had a guard following her for safety measures, but most of the time they were very good about giving her space. In the temple they were especially lenient, as they saw the wrong of meddling when she was praying or attempting to clear her mind. After informing her he’d be nearby, the guard left her side to mingle with others or talk to the gods himself. Now free to do what she wished, Marina at first walked around, gazing at the paintings that never stopped to astonish her. Other than dancing, she was terrible when it came to fiddling with oils or attempting to play instruments. Even though she was pretty graceful on her feet, she was a klutz when it came to that type of hand coordination. She never could hold a paint brush steady even at the simplest strokes and often made a mess rather than create any piece of art. In a way, it was embarrassing. An eighteen year old that could only draw stick figures? The thought always made her tan cheeks blush.
Moving to the pictures and sculptures that represented the gods, she found herself stopping in front of one idol and moving down to a kneel. Other than going to the pantheon for a change of scenery, she had mostly come to filter everything from her mind. Lately she hadn’t been able to think clearly as all these sudden ideas and thoughts flooded into her head from nowhere. Speculations, worries, regrets. She hadn’t been sleeping very well after the last game where she watched a gladiator be slashed by lions and killed with the sound of cheering bystanders. It was wrong. She knew it was. When the gladiator began to fall she couldn’t watch anymore as she sat there with her brother and sister-in-law, and the images still haunted her dreams. Anyone would say she was weak. She should be stronger than that, if not numb to those feelings after watching the skeptical for so many years over and over again. Dying gladiators wasn’t anything new, but she had attached herself to much to the complete stranger. Even Marina would admit her heart was too soft, but at the same time she held pride in the fact. When everyone else was cold and cared about self-gain, she continued to be empathetic. It seemed like an important characteristic much of Rome lacked.
What could she do though? Throw out her morals? Sighing she allowed a hand to go through her dark brown locks. There had to be a way to keep her current personality without changing it in order to make this easier on her. “Please, I need guidance,” she whispered under her breath, lowering her head to stare at the floor respectfully. She didn’t expect the gods to reply, knowing they probably had more affairs to tend too, but she wanted the gods to at least listen and know she was trying… - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
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Post by minerva on Jun 29, 2009 22:34:32 GMT -6
 She's cold and she's cruel, but she knows what she's doin'[/size][/center][/color] It was a just a routine day for her. Now that she was finally back in Rome after her extensive travels, she was going to stay put for quite some time. Voculus may miss her, but her little boy will have to learn to live without her for a while. Mortals aged quick, but she expects that she'll be back in time for autumn and winter. She had spent most of her time for the past few days in the pantheon listening to the prayers and thanks that the mortals were giving to her and the rest of the gods. She liked listening to mortals and to know of their day to day affairs, but hate to actually have a conversation with mortals. They seem to be much more relaxed and open when they don't realize that she was just hovering above them.
It also amazed her how much mortals thought they had a right to in the world. One should think that they would be a bit more humbler while speaking to a goddess. Instead, they boast, they plead, they try to bribe her. It was one corrupt senate official who had tried to bribe her with a sacrifice of a few of his prized warhorses and his treasured gladiator. Minerva snorted derisively at the thought. Did the man not realize that she could easily ruin him and send his family into the poorhouse?
Rome was a magnificent city, refined in its art, language and culture. Yet it was also gruesome and corrupt. The corruption and violence found in Rome only complemented its beauty and made it stand out even more. Although some would want to get rid of the last savoury aspects of this grand city, it was impossible. There needs to be some negative factor to balance out all the wonderful and beautiful things in the world and in Rome. Although some were naive enough to believe that there truly was a place where everyone was happy and treated fairly.
One of those naive individuals would be the corrupt emperor's own little sister. Admittedly, she had good intentions and a pure heart - well, purer than most anyways - but she was too protected from the outside world to realize how hard it would be to make her dreams of a utopia a reality. She grew up under the oppressive shadow of authority and resents the chains and expectations placed onto her young shoulders. It was rather unfortunate for Marina to suffer.
It was a blessing and a curse that she had been born a woman. If she had been a male, Rome may be a different place today. However, Marina was painfully sensitive and naive. It wouldn't be very hard for the corrupt senate and nobles to bribe and lie their way into her good graces. It all really depended on how she was raised, but going by how her brother turned out, she wouldn't survive.
She was kind and considerate. Minerva had lost track of how many times she prayed to the gods that her brother would come to his senses and do something right for once. Lately, she had stopped asking for her brother's 'redemption' and Minerva knew that it was about time that she gave up on her brother. It was time that she acted out by herself. Just because she was a woman didn't mean that she was absolutely powerless. Of course, it would take forever for Marina to realize that dancing wasn't the only thing she was good at.
Minerva had been lounging around on the arches of the building when a slight movement caught her attention. Well what do you know, Minerva murmured softly to herself as she leaned over the arch almost precariously to catch a better view. If it isn't little Marina.
It had been some time since she had come to visit her. Marina may not know this, but Minerva always listened to her. Hell, Minerva knew more about Marina than Marina did. Her guard had left her after she had entered the pantheon. She was free to walk around and admire the works of art that were on display. She moved around with no destination in mind and spent only a few moments in front of each piece. But she stopped. Usually, Marina didn't stop until a good while later. Minerva frowned thoughfully. Whatever seemed to be bothering Marina must really be affecting her. Please, I need guidance
Something seemed to strike a chord in her. It was strange and unsettling since Minerva rarely felt anything for anyone. But Marina sounded so frail and lost she couldn't help but take pity on the girl. After a few moments of waiting, Marina stood up. It seemed like she didn't get an answer from anyone. With a sigh, Minerva slipped off of the arch that she had been perched upon and landed silently behind Marina. In this state, no one would be able to see her or hear her besides Marina. Leaning over Marina's shoulder, Minerva whispered, What's wrong Marina?
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Post by marina augustus on Jul 7, 2009 14:23:00 GMT -6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - and I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere [/color] THIS IS MY REACTION TO EVERYTHING I FEAR[/color] cause I've been going crazy I don't want to waste another minute here [/center] A small frown formed on her features as she was unanswered, but she would never hold it against the gods. She wasn’t dying nor having some major crisis that would destroy her from the inside out. Marina was just at a standstill and unsure of what to do. Why would the gods fret over a single girl’s nightmares or the unfamiliar feelings beginning to well up within her? It was silly and she probably should have attempted again to figure it all out on her own. Rising from her kneel, she released a sigh. Oh well. It had been worth a shot and she didn’t regret asking. About to turn around, she nearly jumped as she heard a voice behind her. Startled she took a step forward and turned around to figure out who had gotten so close to her without her guard noticing. Normally the guard wouldn’t allow anyone to surprise her like that, even if he was deep in thought. As her eyes collected the woman’s unique face and figure, the mysterious person finally was matched with a name. Minerva. The goddess.
Her surprised expression turned into a genuine smile, though became sheepish when she realized how stupid she had just acted. It wouldn’t be all that surprising if the other woman saw that a lot. About to open her mouth to say a proper greeting, she saw the guard who was watching her give her an odd look. Letting her green eyes move from him to the other woman and then back to him, she easily connected the dots. The goddess was only allowing her to see her. Deciding she didn’t want to look completely crazy to be speaking into thin air instead of at an idol, the younger girl turned around. She didn’t think it was respectful to turn her back on a goddess, but at the same time she didn’t want to look insane. “I’m sorry if this is impolite, Minerva. Truly I’d love to speak to your face-to-face,” she apologized, a small amused smile on her face. “I didn’t think anyone was listening…” Her voice faded at that line and she felt somewhat bad for doubting the gods for a split second.
As the woman’s question registered in her mind, she bit her lower lip, unsure how to start. She didn’t want to ramble, yet Marina did want the other woman to get an idea of why she felt the way she felt. “Minerva, I’m unsure of myself,” she stated with a sigh. That was really it. She was caught within her own sweet personality and didn’t know how to get herself loose. The young woman wanted to change things, make her voice heard, but she wasn’t sure she could. After all, why would anyone listen to her? They all thought she was a young snobby girl that had everything she ever wanted. She had no right to be complaining. “My heart wants to just tell someone everything, just spill every word out. My opinion of the games, what I’ve heard and seen of the senate and my brother, and my fear that my brother could ruin Rome,” she said, her voice quieting so she wouldn’t be overheard. “But… I acknowledge that I could speak all I want, but truly who is going to listen? No one…” She felt invisible. A symbol of her nation, but nothing more than something to be looked at. That’s why she went to public events where her brother made announcements or spoke to Rome, to make him look good.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she allowed an unfamiliar frown to stick on her features. “If that isn’t enough, I’ve been having nightmares about the games. I’ve seen them all my life, but I get so attached to the gladiators. Even if they’re strangers to me, it hurts me to see them torn apart,” she said, holding back a shiver as a particular image appeared in her mind. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that doesn’t take enjoyment in other’s pain,” Only one. She definitely was feeling alone. Other than the gods, she didn’t have many other people to talk to or trust. All the higher class were absorbed in their money and the most corrupt people in the world. To open up to a senate member would be a foolish mistake that Marina acknowledged she’d gravely regret it. “I like who I am Minerva,” she said weakly, “I don’t want to change, but I feel like I need to in order to deal with all this,” She didn’t want to. Becoming colder to the world just wasn’t who she was, yet she had to figure a way to cope with all of this. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
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Post by minerva on Jul 23, 2009 11:09:29 GMT -6
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- [/color] putting on a front, you might like that [/font][/size][/i] BUT WILL YOU LIKE ME WHEN I'M REAL[/font][/center] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- [/font][/size][/color]
Minerva sighed and glanced at the other places that just moments ago, held quite a number of minor deities. They obviously did not like her problems - they held no interest to them - and left. Minerva would've left as well, but something about this girl made her reconsider. She had seen her around before, and she had always showed that she was an upright and kind young woman. Sure, she was a little lost and her brother was a prick, but she managed to survive in such a cutthroat and corrupt home. Maybe she was just getting too soft, or perhaps, she was just getting too accustomed to mortals.
She was pleased when Marina didn't shout and scream. She hated having people overreact. It was tedious and brought unnecessary attention to her. No, Minerva was never one for fanfare (that much). Sure, she may seem like the cold and efficient goddess but she had played therapist for many of her fellow deities and she was trusted not to gossip. All she did was listen it wasn't much but it seemed to help them calm down enough to think properly. However, Minerva sorely hoped that Marina wasn't expecting her to comfort her, or even help her solve her problems. No, if she wanted someone to coddle her, she'll gladly call Prosperina for her.
She smiled back when she smiled. Apparently, Marina recognized her. She nodded in approval when Marina realized that only she could see her and then moved back to turn her back on her. Normally, Minerva would be offended, but for the sake of secrecy, she let it pass. "I'm always listening, Marina." She said, not unkindly, but rather boredly. It was true, Minerva had many people roaming around listening to others. Sure, she wasn't omnipotent, but her followers made her pretty close to it. To make Marina more comfortable, staring at her back was probably unnerving her, Minerva moved so she could sit in front of her.
She smiled onc more and it didn't take long for the dam to break. And once it did, Marina babbled and babbled and Minerva tried her hardest to listen to every word she said. It was normal for a young woman to lose sight of what she wanted, and since she was such a sweet girl, Minerva didn't doubt that she would lose her path easily. The sweet and sensitive mortals always got played and killed. It was even worse since she was a woman. It didn't matter that she was the sister of the emperor, when it all comes down to it, she's a woman. Minerva couldn't say that she understood how she felt since she always had respect.
As she listened, Minerva found out that Marina surely had a lot of trouble bothering her. She saw the problems and wanted to change it, to be heard, but she also saw that she was a minor player in the political field. She was but a young woman and would be brushed off as such. She realizes that she's just an accessory, which was good. At least she wasn't all idealistic and foolish, Minerva thought.
Of course, all the sympathy that had been slowly welling up and building was put out with an icy chill when Marina claimed that she didn't want to change. And here she thought that Marina was reasonable. She realizes she needs to change, even if it was just a little, but refuses to? Sacrifices must be made in order to survive. Humans adapted as well, and so did the gods. To remain the same for so long would be dangerous. Once Marina had stopped talking, Minerva hummed softly, her eyes wandering around the grand infrastructure that she called her 'home'.
Now what would kind mortal-loving Prosperina say? Or better yet, what would motherly and regal Juno say? She knew what she wanted to say, but she could tell that Marina wouldn't welcome harsh criticisms and even harsher words from her. She was alone enough already, there was no need for her to make her fear the gods any more than she already did. Finally, Minerva spoke, "Although I may sound completely cliche and sentimental, you have to trust in yourself and see what is right." Minerva frowned, damn that did sound pathetic. Regardless, she moved on. "I'm glad that you're smart enough to see through all their deceptions and corruption, however, you do need to change yourself. There is no way you could survive much longer without changing. Humans and gods all adapt to their surroundings. To better protect yourself and live even a day longer in order to change Rome for the better is what you want isn't it? You don't like people being hurt." Minerva sighed, "You're sweet and sensitive, and sweet and sensitive will only get you so far. You don't need to change all that much, Marina. You won't lose yourself completely. Could you make this sacrifice for you people?"
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